Girls In The Men's Room

The statement I had to make yesterday at my appointment that seemed to confuse the NP

"I'm bisexual but I don't have sex with men." [not exactly how I said it, but, meh]

Reasons I do not get why this screws with people:
1. I have only had one sexual partner. By default, at this time, I do not have sex with men.
2. Do we question people's heterosexuality when they're virgins?
3. Attraction does not have to equal action.

There's also the fact that were I to ever have sex with a man (trans or cis, though cis are obviously the only ones she was referring to since it was more a question of 'could you get pregnant any time while you're taking this?'), it *probably* wouldn't be penis-in-vagina.

I'm all up in ur kinsey scale, breakin' it.

But seriously. Why is it *always* when I say I currently only have sex with women, it's assumed I'm a lesbian? (This was before I voiced the gender stuff--though I'm sure she still would have gone there anyway, urgh). Can't we, as a society, just go 'oh, you have sex with ---' and not try to label it? Please?

(Also, the assumption that I would rather save a clump of cells than my sanity was kind of insulting on a different level, but meh)

I think on sites that insist on shoving me into the binary, I'll start listing myself as a man. If I *have* to go into a box, I'll admit that the one of a bisexual man is the least confining.

Bleh. Random buzzy brain is random and buzzy.

-Had a hike in Geology Lab today. I started shaking before we even GOT to the mountain. Fuck you, legs. Also, fuck you guy who tried to urge me to climb higher when I said very clearly 'I don't think I should', and when I was visibly having trouble. I know my limits most of the time. I knew the feeling I was having--legs shaking, gut rising, etc (I did throw up a small bit on the way to the parking lot--very normal for me, but still very annoying). I did manage to walk around to get a better vantage of some rocks, but seriously. Fuck you. (Thank you awesome Prof who understood). This is why I don't go out often. I LIKE the outdoors, but it is not kind to me or my broken parts.
-Just changed my name on Facebook to [chosen name]. While I am not legally [chosen name]...I made [given name] my alternate, and most people who will meet me now are given [chosen name] right off anyway, so there we are.
-Arrrgh, Quizno's last night was a baaad idea. But so gooood. Stupid broken body.

First: Why do I not have the Jack/Ianto snog icon on this account? BAH.

Second: Pondering auction fic...and realising another thing I have in common with Jack in many ways--wanting to protect the people I love from me, from having to love me and deal with my messed up self. Yeah, I'm not immortal. But it's hard to deny that even before the immortality Jack was pretty fucked up.

But Jack, and myself...well. We want to protect people from ourselves--but that doesn't stop us wanting them. I've read many posts on how Jack's great fault and great salvation is his love. And, yeah, I can totally get that.

I've said many times how I wouldn't care nearly as much if I get gay/trans bashed were I not now with Girl. How, yes, I do try to chase her away sometimes for her own good (and I have to stop doing that. I have to trust that she has informed consent, etc. MAH ISSUES!)

And, well, again...even if she doesn't look as good in a suit (though she looks damn good in red)...Girl really is my Ianto sometimes. From The Sin Eaters

Years of trying and trying and sometimes succeeding....being himself. Being hated, being lonely. No one good enough, not able to mend, not able to stop the pain.
"Jack!"
Ianto was holding his hand. He kissed him. "You okay?"
"Yeah. C'mere, you." He gave Ianto a massive hug. He needed him. Sometimes more than he'd like to admit.

We've had our moments like that, and I am so grateful for them.

-Girl betting me one of her male sims will get knocked up by aliens, losing said bet and owing me a three-pack of Ferrero Rochers---even though my only answer to her challenge was to laugh.
-Getting the check from Girl for Christmas-flight tickets, and finding said check in a letter that, along with a few other phrases, had the phrase 'I love you' all down the page.
-Girl snarling at people who call me [birth name]--even though I never, ever asked her to call me [chosen name].
-Rereading the letter Girl sent me admitting her crush and realising once more that sometimes life doesn't suck squirrel balls.
-...basically, Girl.

Been blasting the Scissor Sisters all day, and realised that I really want to do one of those portraits that a lot of gender variant folks do, with one half of the face all glam and the other side very masculine or just plain. If I could walk around every day life done up like that, it would be so perfect.

After I get my Halloween costume stuff, I should really buy some makeup (and maybe a wig) and let K glam me up.

Looking at the TDOR list for this year so far, because I'm not depressed enough already (actually it's been a good day more or less, but you know)

Roy Antonio Jones III
Location: Southampton, NY
Cause of Death: Punched repeatedly and grabbed by the neck
Date of Death: August 1, 2010
Roy was 16 Months old.
Note: 20 year old Pedro Jones told police he had struck the infant several times with a closed fist. Jones said he was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.”

This story always tugs my heartstrings out. I am pleased, if I can use that word, that the people who run TDOR put him on the list to remind people that it isn't just trans/genderqueer people who are hurt by transphobia and gender policing, but people too young to know just what they are yet.

If you disrespect ANYONE'S bodily autonomy, for any reason, I will judge you hard and I will probably lose any respect for you I ever had. I don't care if it's about reproduction, use of recreational drugs, body modification, etc. If they aren't hurting anyone (and I mean actually HURTING, not just tarnishing your mental image of them because they refuse to fit in your box), it is none of your damn business. And yes, this includes if you are their family/partner/dog.

Tosh will probably judge you too. As will Jack Harkness. He will not be amused by your shit. Ianto will just give you bad coffee. I think he had Owen spit in it or something.

Also, related but not: If I am close to falling completely over the edge, blasting Meredith Brook's 'Bitch' and lipsynch jamming out to the chorus helps A LOT.

Also: I am PMSing like woah, if you couldn't already tell. ARGH. Shit like this really, really makes me consider going on T because all my other options SUCK.


EDIT: How did I forget that listening to Ani D. is a great PMS reliever? Particularly Swan Dive. Oh Ani, why are you ALWAYS touring NY when I can't be there?

Since I'm listening to it right now--Lovely Rita was probably the first Beatles' song I fell in love with, at ~11-12 when my dad first played Sgt. Pepper for me.

In her cap
She looked much older
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man

Gee, wonder what I could have loved about that? Oh, little in-denial-genderfucker pastself. *patpat*

Things that suck right now:
-The fact that, with whatever the hell my hormones are doing, I'm already PMSing. This means body!hate like woah, and a million other things.
-Various things on teh interwebz causing me to hate my body more than PMS and the bits already do. Yeah, thanks for that. I need help being depressed.
-Waking up at 7 am. WTF?

Things that don't:
-This song. Belle, you're my fucking hero. When she's blathering to the baker about the book? I do that stuff. It's no wonder it's the Disney movie I watched most as a wee thing. Beauty and the Beast watching tonight, maybe
-Planning to go down to the library in a bit, which goes along with the song.