axeslade: (lily allen)
So, this weekend was kind of a bust in a lot of ways. No yoga, mostly just math.

I did, however, stick to my resolutions regarding that. It bubbled up a few times. And I just took the thoughts and told them they were valid but that I needed sleep or whatever and could they please find a space in the universe that had time for them. And I sent them with love and good wishes. And it felt wonderful.


Feb. 17th, 2010 01:22 pm
axeslade: (Default)
So, I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love for the last day.

This morning, while reading a relevant bit, some things about NE and what happened fell into place. I almost wept (would have if I had not been in public), but it was for the joy of realising so many things about it. I can't make it make anymore sense than that, not that it needs to.

I could quote said relevant bit or others that followed, but really it all comes down to this.

I am forgiving NE for what happened, as much as I can.

I am going to let go of the anger and the sadness and let it deal with itself somewhere else; hopefully where it can run into whatever they was dealing with or continues to deal with as a consequence of us. Let the parts that wanted to continue what we had but didn't know how hash it out seperately from us.

I am going to love the life I have with Girl, and stop connecting that relationship to two others.

Whenever I think of NE (because I will always think of them), I will not send out anger and resentment.

I will send my love and hope that they are in a good place, like I really am in a good place.

And that will be it. No dwelling on what might have been, how we could have made it work. No more wondering how much they meant to do what they did and what was accident or consequence of their own drama.

I will just, silently, send them my thoughts. 'I love you and hope you are well'.

And I will not post about them again here.


axeslade: (Default)
A most peculiar mademoiselle

January 2011

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