How does your heart beat, why do you breathe?

[axeslade]

I just watched...well, not even most of Transamerica, because I wasn't up to it, but some scenes and...

God, I'd forgotten about the scene where Bree's in the tub and...

I didn't cry, but my throat got really tight. And then I went into my room to bind. And it just wouldn't...when I was wearing a baggy shirt, it worked, but when I put on a normal one....

And I just...

It's going to be at least a decade, probably closer to two, before I'm able to smile like Bree did when I'm taking a bath. Or getting dressed. Or...

And I don't know if I can handle that.
***
*deep, deep breath*

There are ways of dealing.

I can hunt for the bras I tried so hard to pretend I didn't need and layer.

I can put on one bra and use duct tape.

I can use plastic wrap.

I can close my eyes and chant 'I don't have breasts, I don't have breasts' until I fall asleep

I can dream that that last one is true.