Girls In The Men's Room

-Someone who has already made it clear they think transfolk are LOLARIOUS and/or a fetish referring to me as [birth name]
-This person being an officer of a club I am also an officer of
-Doing this when other officers refer to me as [chosen name]
-Said person also being a giant douche for other reasons
-Running into the advisor for the GLBT club, who is also a former prof, and being called [birth name]
-...even though I'm sure I introduced myself as [chosen name] to the club last year. Yes, she met me as [birth name], but she knew then that I was genderqueer so REALLY. And people in anime club who met me as [birth name] have GENERALLY been very good about the change. I'd believe that, as we were just passing each other, she might have forgotten in the moment, if she hadn't referred to me as [birth name] before in spaces where there was no hurry.

FUCK ALL Y'ALL.

Sigh. Mylene rocks, though.

SANS CONTREFACON (WITH NO FORGERY)
Translation by Veronique Lepine

Since i have to choose
Then gently I can say it
With no forgery
That I am a boy
Not for all the world
I could just now undress
Because with no forgery
I say I'm a boy

Alone in my wardrobe
Dark rings under my eyes
Hidden from all the eyes
I'm challenging the fate
In that world which is just cock and bull
I do only what I feel
Handkerchief set up in my trousers
I 'm the Knight of Eon

Since I have to choose
..

Time after time driven
From all your company
I can't stand one threatens
Resolutions of mine
I don't care, you may speak about it
I'm a chameleon
Just watch each of all my tin soldiers
I'll bet that they'll kill you

Since i have to choose
..

Dear self,
Seriously, no more pizza until you undergo allergy screening to see WTF is up so you can see if there's some alternative pizza that won't cause you to be absolutely miserable for 12-16 hours.
Urrrgh

Dear brain,
I know why you come up with these terrible dreams/nightmares about Girl and me fighting+breaking up. I do. But I'm seriously sick of them. I already wake up with a touch of heartbreak most mornings because of the whole LDR thing, I don't need this too. If you have to enforce some psychic trauma on me, how about more NE dreams?
No love at all,

Today has been horrible in terms of personal drama, and then my spine decides it must try to escape said drama via my uterus. And it's trying with much more force than usual. I feel like I might throw up, and like I definitely want to cry.

Fuck it all.

Shakesville, on Glen Beck's 'Restoring Honor' rally

You keep using that word....

"I will take it as further evidence that God does not exist that Lincoln was not momentarily reanimated just so he could kick Glenn Beck's ass."

I still cannot get over the sheer AUDACITY of having this hate really on the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of MLK's 'I Have A Dream' speech. Also, MLK's niece? Please to be shutting the fuck up now; it'd be nice if your uncle could stop spinning for a bit.

WE HAZ FULL FRIDGE+FREEZER+CUPBOARDS.

SO MUCH FOOD, YOU GUYZ.

WE ALSO HAZ MICROWAVE AND CASSEROLE DISHES.

BRB, INHALING CHOCOLATE/PEANUT BUTTER BARS.

So Mom called to blather about the things she's bringing to the apartment next, etc. She asks if I want my old computer.

The one that crashed just a little bit after the last time NE pulled shit. That had a lot of the things pertaining to that relationship on it.

At first, when I was all crazy about them, I wanted to get the hard drive taken out to see if anything could be salvaged. This never happened for various reasons.

And on the phone...I blithered. 'Well, the only things of value are relating to...and part of me wants to, but at the same time, it would be a really bad idea, blither blither'

Her: Okay, I'll just put it in your closet.

...near the books NE gave me. I also mentioned how, unknowingly, when she cleaned the closet Mom probably put some of those books into my things. And she says something about how I can throw them out if I want...

But it wasn't the books' fault things happened like they did. I can't hurt a book for NE's sins.

And then we got blathering about, how, you know, I'm not over NE really and how that's pathetic, and how the reason is we never really broke up properly and all the dramarama surrounding that. Mother suggested putting a note up on facebook spilling it all, in case NE still reads mine. Well, that's not possible now, as we're not Facebook friends and I've locked mine down as much as I can. But I said that in any case, that'd be a bad idea because I'd say things that were just horrible and untrue, and that I really don't want to drag a four-year old drama out into public again. NE has moved on, I hope, far better than I.

I need to let them do that. Provided they don't pop up with another random 'I think you'll like this book!' like they did almost two years ago.

...this post would have had a lot more of what went on during that phone call, things I spilled, etc, but I basically just woke up and have a headache. So there we are.

Looking at the TDOR list for this year so far, because I'm not depressed enough already (actually it's been a good day more or less, but you know)

Roy Antonio Jones III
Location: Southampton, NY
Cause of Death: Punched repeatedly and grabbed by the neck
Date of Death: August 1, 2010
Roy was 16 Months old.
Note: 20 year old Pedro Jones told police he had struck the infant several times with a closed fist. Jones said he was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.”

This story always tugs my heartstrings out. I am pleased, if I can use that word, that the people who run TDOR put him on the list to remind people that it isn't just trans/genderqueer people who are hurt by transphobia and gender policing, but people too young to know just what they are yet.

I just started reading The Dogs of Babel today and this bit...wow. It really does explain why I find it difficult to write about the more intimate (and not necessarily in *that* sense) parts of my relationship with Girl, even in private venues.

I haven't told you how we slept in the same tiny motel room for four humid Florida nights, and how it wasn't until our last night there that Lexy crossed the room and came into my bed. How she whispered to me, "I don't usually do this on the first date" as she ran her hands over my long-forsaken body. I mention these things, the warm air, the cool sheets, the fresh joy of Lexy lying beside me, in the interest of not skipping over anything that might prove important. But in truth, they are not things I can speak of very easily. I touched her, and it felt like coming home. What more is there to say?

I had two really bad dreams last night, one of which was violent and the other involving NE in a sexual manner.

Guess which one disturbed me more?

I am not sure if in dream-world the sex was like it had always been with us, aka not real and very roleplay or...otherwise. NE was not clearly 'there'--there was no person who looked like hir, or hir voice (which, thank everything, is VERY faint in my mind). I honestly couldn't tell you what, specifically, made me realise this was an NE dream--besides the fact that my heart was hurting and screaming at my brain to wake the fuck up. Which I did, eventually. Then I went back to sleep after gasping for a few minutes and had the violent dream, and while disturbed, was glad. Which is pretty fucked up given what that dream was like.

Listening to Melissa helps.