Girls In The Men's Room

So, functionally, it's about five days until I leave.

Things that must be done:
-General grooming. Figure out what to do with hair now that it's all...*waves* and shave. I hate shaving :( I think I'd like it more if I had a proper razor, but these plastic things are shit. MUST GET SHAVING KIT SOMEDAY.

-Try on the dress trousers I found last night to see what pair fits best.

-See if there's anyway I can wear the waistcoat and look presentable, because I love it.

-Fight with suitcase, re: getting my three pairs of shoes in there. WTF, guys, why am I taking three pairs of shoes? Oh right, because I'm a dandy when the mood strikes.

-Finish figuring out what is going on carry-on bag and laptop bag and get those packed.

-Snag some motherfucking internet so I can get DW. Geebus, I'll be six eps behind this week. And I have been hearing such wonderful things about Vincent and the Doctor (and, um, I might have a wee crush on Tony Curran. Gingers FTW!).

BRB, losing my mind because I lost a flash drive that I bought two days ago (while, really, going crazy about OTHER things, but my brain is using that as an excuse as it will).

So, dad cut my hair tonight. And spent the entire time bitching about how I should grow it out and how it'd look so much better if I did, etc.

Apparently, the fact that I like it the way it is doesn't matter. Bodily autonomy, I don't haz it.

But wait, I DO.

So, decision. He's not cutting my hair again. I will fork over too much money to have someone do what I ask and doesn't tell me the whole time that it's bad. I don't care what anyone thinks (okay, I care what Girl thinks, but my feelings on the matter still trump hers). This haircut (not quite, really--he won't do what I want) makes me happy and comfortable.

*sigh*

ETA: Say it for me, Hedwig.

Some girls, they got natural ease
They wear it anyway they please
With their French-flipped curls and perfume magazines

Wear it up
Let it down
This is the best way that I've found
To be the best you've ever seen

When I got home yesterday, I felt like garbage. I ended up sleeping for five hours pretty much right off. Felt kind of feverish for a bit. And I barely ate anything after that. Then I slept again until noon today (went to bed around 11:30).

Got up today and mouth was hurting. Felt aroudn with tongue--and, for the millionth time in like five years, it feels like one of my wisdom teeth is poking up.

Freaking hell. I know, almost without a doubt, that the damn thing won't actually break through. It'll stay there for a day, maybe two, before sinking back down until it bugs me again in 8-12 months (my sister has one that is doing the same thing and mom's side has a weird dental history *including canines that never descend, another thing I deal with* so, yeah, yay genetics?).

ARGH. Body, why so much fail?

So going into town tomorrow. Must remember to:

Bring laptop to try and snag the latest 3 eps of DW (ooh, and I have now inhereited mother's laptop, as she didn't use it for much and it can be run off cord and has better sound/picture. So, yay) Also, download iTunes while I'm at it.

Look for new set of luggage (old set ruined and was owned by family, need my own)

Price and MAYBE buy new headphones and a memory card for my camera

Go to pet store (or pet section of Wal-Mart, depending). For things.

So, the 'was the softball pic in NYT a coded reference to Elena Kagen's sexuality' and everything else? Yeah, it's hitting me in a sore spot.

Here's why. I've already blathered a lot about how my sexuality was being questioned for me loooong before I had any reason to care about it. Something else: I went to the same school K-8. I went to school with the same core group of about ten kids (some moved and came back various times throughout the years, etc). Meaning I was surrounded by the same group who knew my failings and successes. We all went through standardized testing together, so most of them probably knew that I blew the reading sections out of the water on a regular basis. They had to hear teachers praising me (I won't deny I liked it, but you know? Being teacher's pet, even when teacher is the only one you can relate to, doesn't do you any favors in the social arena). And...well, the girls...

I'm not saying all the girls in my core group were dense. I actually have a suspicion that for some of them, they were dense because they were conditioned to be. Don't be smart, be pretty, etc.

I will never claim being pretty in a traditional sense--though I had aspects of traditional beauty. Long, curly hair, the lips, etc. And while many of them were reading Junie B. Jones or however you spell it in 8TH GRADE (I wish I were exagerrating, god I wish),I was reading 1984 and the Picture of Dorian Gray (and, um, Teleny. But that's another story for another day!). I was smart in many ways none of them were, either because they'd been coaxed into it or because they just weren't. I was good. I didn't drink or smoke (partially lack of access, mostly lack of desire). I never had a pregnancy scare.

I don't know how much they were conciously freaked out by me, but I know I made them uncomfortable, what with my girlie tendencies (I have always loved glitter, okay?), my brains, and the fact I wasn't dating when I was ten. Boys were the smart ones in my class (well, until society made them feel like they coudln't be smart and play sports--I really mourn that in one particular boy) .

So how's this lead back to Elena Kagen? She's vying for a spot in the boy's club. She's smart, very smart. She doesn't seem to present as high femme, and she's unmarried. And people are yelling DYKE as she passes.

...wait, that was me. But you get the point.

SPECIAL NOTE: Remind me to ramble some day about all the girls' requests/demands to prettify me, and how while they never did anything, how I would always reluctantly agree. Mah issues, let me showz you them.

Um. So. It's looking like I passed math. With a B, no less.

This makes no goddamn sense, but I'll take it.

To do tonight:
Work on fic
Clean/pack

• TONIGHT: Start Lit prompts


• CLEAN. OMFG CLEAN.


• Start packing things up (I leave next Thursday afternoon)


• Study Math (Reworked my current scores with how the midterm and homework are weighted; there's a not-so-terrible chance I might pass)


• Study Soc


• Take notes for Theatre

Speaking of Theatre...um, my presentation could have conceivably gone worse. You know, the whole thing could have spontaneously combusted while I was up there. As is, everything just fell over despite standing on its own just fine last night/this morning. *headdesk*But at least it's done.

Cue the 'my nerves are on the outside of my body' time of the month, where I'm over sensitive and anxiety ridden all the time.

Though at least this time it's about things that are real concerns. I was up until 4 or 5 freaking about money and math, instead of abstract concerns about NE and relationship wiggity-whack (it's all cool, Adelai's mind is making problems where there are none, because sie can't just be fucking happy, can sie?). Okay. Those snuck in there too, because they always do because it's all interconnected in this weird thing in my head. But...yeah. Even though some of my anxieties are concrete and real and worth worry, it's no better than those abstract problems and I still had to bite my pillow to keep from screaming and waking up my roommate (who may not have been asleep, but whatever, others come before me ALWAYS, fuck).

This song makes it a bit better, though. <3 Billy Joel.