In the darkness every colour can be found
Dec. 17th, 2009 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladeSo. Before I got sidetracked by OMGWTFBBQ pain last night.
IAOB. Specifically, why it wasn't working. I realized it needs to be told in first person.
There are times when I find it easy to step into the shoes of a character who is very unlike me. One of my protagonists is a vegetarian, lapsed Catholic, abuse survivor. I can't make one of those marks (ham and shrimp are far too wonderful). But her voice comes easily.
Irving's voice, not so much. No matter how much I wish I was some days, I'm not a cis man. I don't have that experience to draw from. I don't know what it's like to wake up and have all your equipment be right. I've rarely had to be closeted.
Bailey's experience, though? Not from the get go, but when it all goes pear-shaped? Yeah, been there.
The thing is? It's really uncomfortable to write about some of the awfulness of being trans/GQ. Writing about how much it sucks when your body betrays you on a monthly basis. How you'd rather die then have these things on your chest bounce again.
I wish I didn't get that, but I do. And for various reasons, not just because I get it, it makes far more sense for what unfolds to be seen through Bailey's eyes and told in his voice. I realized that last night. And I'm fucking terrified of doing it, but I realized that if I tell it that way, it will feel more genuine and real. I am not a gay cis man. And while, unlike Bailey, I'm not gay...I understand more of his experience, for better or worse.
Blahhh.
IAOB. Specifically, why it wasn't working. I realized it needs to be told in first person.
There are times when I find it easy to step into the shoes of a character who is very unlike me. One of my protagonists is a vegetarian, lapsed Catholic, abuse survivor. I can't make one of those marks (ham and shrimp are far too wonderful). But her voice comes easily.
Irving's voice, not so much. No matter how much I wish I was some days, I'm not a cis man. I don't have that experience to draw from. I don't know what it's like to wake up and have all your equipment be right. I've rarely had to be closeted.
Bailey's experience, though? Not from the get go, but when it all goes pear-shaped? Yeah, been there.
The thing is? It's really uncomfortable to write about some of the awfulness of being trans/GQ. Writing about how much it sucks when your body betrays you on a monthly basis. How you'd rather die then have these things on your chest bounce again.
I wish I didn't get that, but I do. And for various reasons, not just because I get it, it makes far more sense for what unfolds to be seen through Bailey's eyes and told in his voice. I realized that last night. And I'm fucking terrified of doing it, but I realized that if I tell it that way, it will feel more genuine and real. I am not a gay cis man. And while, unlike Bailey, I'm not gay...I understand more of his experience, for better or worse.
Blahhh.
