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Nov. 28th, 2004 11:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladenew ficcy thing. incredibly short, but...
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Title: Folly
Rating: R
Reasons: Language/self injury/general subject matter
Genres: Angst
~Dream child in my head is a nightmare born in a borrowed bed. Now I know lightning strikes again, it struck me once then struck me dead. My folly grows inside of me. I eat for two, walk for two, breathe for two now.~10000 Maniacs 'Eat For Two'
November 24, 1973
Mandy sighed, rubbing her eyes and gently shoving the comforter off of her body. Moving quitely so she wouldn't wake up her lover, she went into the bathroom. Locking the door, she slouched over the toilet, wondering how the hell she could be throwing up when she hadn't eaten last night.
When she finished, she looked up into the mirror, repulsed by what she saw. Her face was paler than it had ever been when she had a hangover, her hair was limp and stringy, and she looked like she hadn't had a full night's sleep in ages. Which she hadn't, but that was beside the point.
Sighing, Mandy walked out of the bathroom. She started to get into the bed again, but had a thought. She walked over to the full length mirror by the closet and lifted her nightshirt over her head, lowering her pajama pants a little bit. First she ran a hand down her face to her breasts, painfully tender and certainly filling out. That would make James happy when and if he noticed.
Slowly, she moved her hands down until they rested just a bit above her hips. The flesh there was still almost unbearably flat. If only it could stay that way, if only she'd known how to keep her damned legs shut...
Mandy felt a few tears sliding down her face. She'd managed to convince herself for a few short weeks that she was over Brian, and then what? He broke into the house to 'talk' to her and they ended up fucking. She could put it off to a lot of things. Like the fact that just weeks before she'd had a miscarriage, lost *his* child and wanted to make up for the loss. Or that she just wanted sex. But the painful truth was that she still loved Brian, more than she could bear. The fact she hadn't taken a wire hanger from the closet and done the job herself proved that.
Biting back a loud sob, Mandy pushed the bathroom door open. Opening the medicine cabinet, she sorted around for a few minutes until she found a straight razor. She glanced at her wrists for a moment, then thought of something else. Trembling, she passed the razor to her left hand. She closed her eyes, resting the sharp edge against her stomach. With a deep breath she slid it to the right, wincing as she tore skin and blood trickled out. She moved the blade to the other side, now feeling relief at the pain. She knew it wouldn't cause any real damage to the baby, but just imagining she was hurting it and really hurting herself felt good. Having real punishment for going back to the man who had caused her more pain then any other human being; not just hearing James yelling at her but feeling pain somehow made everything just a little bit better.
Mandy's eyes opened when she heard James groan. Hurriedly, she set the razor back in the cabinet, pressed a few tissues against her skin to staunch the blood, and pulled her shirt back on. Looking in the mirror to make sure she looked like she had just woken up, she walked out.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Title: Folly
Rating: R
Reasons: Language/self injury/general subject matter
Genres: Angst
~Dream child in my head is a nightmare born in a borrowed bed. Now I know lightning strikes again, it struck me once then struck me dead. My folly grows inside of me. I eat for two, walk for two, breathe for two now.~10000 Maniacs 'Eat For Two'
November 24, 1973
Mandy sighed, rubbing her eyes and gently shoving the comforter off of her body. Moving quitely so she wouldn't wake up her lover, she went into the bathroom. Locking the door, she slouched over the toilet, wondering how the hell she could be throwing up when she hadn't eaten last night.
When she finished, she looked up into the mirror, repulsed by what she saw. Her face was paler than it had ever been when she had a hangover, her hair was limp and stringy, and she looked like she hadn't had a full night's sleep in ages. Which she hadn't, but that was beside the point.
Sighing, Mandy walked out of the bathroom. She started to get into the bed again, but had a thought. She walked over to the full length mirror by the closet and lifted her nightshirt over her head, lowering her pajama pants a little bit. First she ran a hand down her face to her breasts, painfully tender and certainly filling out. That would make James happy when and if he noticed.
Slowly, she moved her hands down until they rested just a bit above her hips. The flesh there was still almost unbearably flat. If only it could stay that way, if only she'd known how to keep her damned legs shut...
Mandy felt a few tears sliding down her face. She'd managed to convince herself for a few short weeks that she was over Brian, and then what? He broke into the house to 'talk' to her and they ended up fucking. She could put it off to a lot of things. Like the fact that just weeks before she'd had a miscarriage, lost *his* child and wanted to make up for the loss. Or that she just wanted sex. But the painful truth was that she still loved Brian, more than she could bear. The fact she hadn't taken a wire hanger from the closet and done the job herself proved that.
Biting back a loud sob, Mandy pushed the bathroom door open. Opening the medicine cabinet, she sorted around for a few minutes until she found a straight razor. She glanced at her wrists for a moment, then thought of something else. Trembling, she passed the razor to her left hand. She closed her eyes, resting the sharp edge against her stomach. With a deep breath she slid it to the right, wincing as she tore skin and blood trickled out. She moved the blade to the other side, now feeling relief at the pain. She knew it wouldn't cause any real damage to the baby, but just imagining she was hurting it and really hurting herself felt good. Having real punishment for going back to the man who had caused her more pain then any other human being; not just hearing James yelling at her but feeling pain somehow made everything just a little bit better.
Mandy's eyes opened when she heard James groan. Hurriedly, she set the razor back in the cabinet, pressed a few tissues against her skin to staunch the blood, and pulled her shirt back on. Looking in the mirror to make sure she looked like she had just woken up, she walked out.
