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Nov. 5th, 2004 06:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladeVERY irked at Char, but if she gives me a reason I won't be. Umm, mum won Christine McVie's album 'In the Meantime' for me. There are a few really good songs, but the best, of course, is Friend.
I knocked softly on the bedroom door, wincing when heard James coughing before just barely whispering,
"Come in."
I sighed and opened the door, startled by what I saw. I was been used to seeing him sick, it had happened a lot during my childhood, but it had never been like this. Maybe I hadn't noticed it when I arrived, or maybe it had all happened in a few short days, but when didn't matter. What did was that he looked...he really looked like he was dying.
He opened his eyes and smiled softly,
"Well don't just stand there."
I cleared my throat and sat down at one of the two chairs Jamie and Mom kept pulled over by the bed, running my fingers through my hair several times to try and build up the courage to say what I'd wanted to. I thought, adult that I was, I would have no problem asking for facts. But I did. I think I was scared at what I might find beneath the fancy, rich fairytales. But I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing I'd had the chance to at least partially set the record straight and didn't.
"Listen...I..I was thinking that while I was here-"
"You mean while I'm here."
Damn his wit. I blinked a few times to regain my composure,
"Uh, yeah. Anyway...I was just thinking that...that maybe you could tell me the truth about...some of the things you told me and Jamie growing up."
"I've never told you anything but the truth."
"No...you tell stories. Fairytales. Just...just tell me one thing, one fact that isn't embellished with palaces and lords and all that."
Even though his eyes were only half open, I could tell he was at least trying to glare at me.
"Fine. What do you want to hear?"
"....Something about Mom and Dad. I don't care what just...not this biased, 'your dad was a fucking asshole' shit that you always throw out."
"I can't help being biased, darling. I loved your mother when he had her, so of course I was jealous of him."
"Just try. All I hear from you...and him too...are stories about...about how one or the other of you was a total ass and how Mom deserved the other one. Please...just forget about how much you hate him and tell me the truth. I guess one time I'd really like set straight..is after I was born. I know you weren't around until I was about one but...I just...I wanna know the truth about what he was like then. If he really cared about me like they say he did, if he really did fight to have custody of me and all that rot. Please...", I found I was in tears, which really wasn't surprising. Then, James did something I hadn't expected him to, no matter how kind and gentle I always knew he was.
He sat up as much as he could, put his hand on my face and started wiping away the tears,
"All right. If that's what you really want, I'll tell you. But let me warn you, a lot of it isn't really pretty."
I sniffed, nodding,
"That's okay. I've only been shown the pretty extremes on either side for so long...I want some of the ugly."
He laughed softly,
"Okay."
*****
I knocked softly on the bedroom door, wincing when heard James coughing before just barely whispering,
"Come in."
I sighed and opened the door, startled by what I saw. I was been used to seeing him sick, it had happened a lot during my childhood, but it had never been like this. Maybe I hadn't noticed it when I arrived, or maybe it had all happened in a few short days, but when didn't matter. What did was that he looked...he really looked like he was dying.
He opened his eyes and smiled softly,
"Well don't just stand there."
I cleared my throat and sat down at one of the two chairs Jamie and Mom kept pulled over by the bed, running my fingers through my hair several times to try and build up the courage to say what I'd wanted to. I thought, adult that I was, I would have no problem asking for facts. But I did. I think I was scared at what I might find beneath the fancy, rich fairytales. But I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing I'd had the chance to at least partially set the record straight and didn't.
"Listen...I..I was thinking that while I was here-"
"You mean while I'm here."
Damn his wit. I blinked a few times to regain my composure,
"Uh, yeah. Anyway...I was just thinking that...that maybe you could tell me the truth about...some of the things you told me and Jamie growing up."
"I've never told you anything but the truth."
"No...you tell stories. Fairytales. Just...just tell me one thing, one fact that isn't embellished with palaces and lords and all that."
Even though his eyes were only half open, I could tell he was at least trying to glare at me.
"Fine. What do you want to hear?"
"....Something about Mom and Dad. I don't care what just...not this biased, 'your dad was a fucking asshole' shit that you always throw out."
"I can't help being biased, darling. I loved your mother when he had her, so of course I was jealous of him."
"Just try. All I hear from you...and him too...are stories about...about how one or the other of you was a total ass and how Mom deserved the other one. Please...just forget about how much you hate him and tell me the truth. I guess one time I'd really like set straight..is after I was born. I know you weren't around until I was about one but...I just...I wanna know the truth about what he was like then. If he really cared about me like they say he did, if he really did fight to have custody of me and all that rot. Please...", I found I was in tears, which really wasn't surprising. Then, James did something I hadn't expected him to, no matter how kind and gentle I always knew he was.
He sat up as much as he could, put his hand on my face and started wiping away the tears,
"All right. If that's what you really want, I'll tell you. But let me warn you, a lot of it isn't really pretty."
I sniffed, nodding,
"That's okay. I've only been shown the pretty extremes on either side for so long...I want some of the ugly."
He laughed softly,
"Okay."
*****
