If you fall, I will catch you...
Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladeToday was a rough day for me emotionally. A lot of things just colliding in my head, and I felt the effects all over. Headache, generally run down...
But then I talked to my Comp teacher, who is AMAZING. I knew I wanted to do my paper on something relating to my gender dysphoria, but I was having a hard time focusing it, and he really helped me. And just talking to him...he was so cool. He didn't seem to have heard 'genderqueer' before, and seemed at first to think I was trans. But when I said I wasn't, and explained, he just nodded and looked really intrigued. Seeing that in people...not confusion, but just wanting to understand, I love that. And a lot of the things we talked about in our short discussion...since I'm kind of bouncing off the first paper I wrote, which is more about me and Bri...
I realized again that it doesn't matter what I am, or what the world thinks I am, because I have what most people spend the better part of their lives searching for, and that is a truly wonderful thing. Early New Years resolution: stop worrying about the gender crap. I know it's my old defensive mechanism popping up again, trying to make myself unhappy before my heart gets broken. It won't this time, unless I do the breaking myself.
But then I talked to my Comp teacher, who is AMAZING. I knew I wanted to do my paper on something relating to my gender dysphoria, but I was having a hard time focusing it, and he really helped me. And just talking to him...he was so cool. He didn't seem to have heard 'genderqueer' before, and seemed at first to think I was trans. But when I said I wasn't, and explained, he just nodded and looked really intrigued. Seeing that in people...not confusion, but just wanting to understand, I love that. And a lot of the things we talked about in our short discussion...since I'm kind of bouncing off the first paper I wrote, which is more about me and Bri...
I realized again that it doesn't matter what I am, or what the world thinks I am, because I have what most people spend the better part of their lives searching for, and that is a truly wonderful thing. Early New Years resolution: stop worrying about the gender crap. I know it's my old defensive mechanism popping up again, trying to make myself unhappy before my heart gets broken. It won't this time, unless I do the breaking myself.
