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Another dream that ended way too soon
Nov. 21st, 2009 07:49 pmTDOR is still kind of hanging over me. Looking at the comics that were done...find out that the odds of being murdered, if you're trans, are 1 in 12...fuck.
And my mind went to Boys Don't Cry.
I saw it shortly after I came out as being queer (bi, specifically). I had not yet even entertained the idea that I might be trans for various reasons. But I remember how much that story shook me to my core. I believe the reason I have never watched it again (outside of not owning it, and the fact it is so fucking depressing) is that...deep down, I think I probably did have this thought of 'that could be me'.
And now? Now it's not 'deep down'. Now when I read about violence against trans people...there are so many times, especially given where I live, when I think that could have been me. Obviously, Brandon's story is not mine. His life is not mine. But the parallels are there in certain parts. And even if we're not stealth like Brandon was, even if we're out and proud so there is no chance that anyone involved with us will discover and kill us because they were lied to...1 in 12.
How is the world at large not angrier about this? Well, I know how, but I'd prefer not to think about it, because when I do I hear those echos of 'no one will come to your funeral, and I'll laugh', and the hurt is fresh and more painful.
Really glad I decided to pick up FFVII again, I need that kind of escape.
And my mind went to Boys Don't Cry.
I saw it shortly after I came out as being queer (bi, specifically). I had not yet even entertained the idea that I might be trans for various reasons. But I remember how much that story shook me to my core. I believe the reason I have never watched it again (outside of not owning it, and the fact it is so fucking depressing) is that...deep down, I think I probably did have this thought of 'that could be me'.
And now? Now it's not 'deep down'. Now when I read about violence against trans people...there are so many times, especially given where I live, when I think that could have been me. Obviously, Brandon's story is not mine. His life is not mine. But the parallels are there in certain parts. And even if we're not stealth like Brandon was, even if we're out and proud so there is no chance that anyone involved with us will discover and kill us because they were lied to...1 in 12.
How is the world at large not angrier about this? Well, I know how, but I'd prefer not to think about it, because when I do I hear those echos of 'no one will come to your funeral, and I'll laugh', and the hurt is fresh and more painful.
Really glad I decided to pick up FFVII again, I need that kind of escape.
