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Apr. 10th, 2009 01:11 pmForgot about this...on Wednesday at work...boss wanted me to tie string around bunches of maps we were going to be keeping up on the shelves. Since they were going to be there awhile, rubber bands wouldn't do and the string had to be tight and yet still easily removed. I told her before I even tried that there was a chance I wouldn't be able to do it. She showed me what she wanted and watched while I tried...and failed.
I could hold the string taut until I actually had to tie the bow. Then my hands would start shaking and I couldn't keep it taut *and* tie the bow at the same time. After several attempts, she agreed I should do something else and noted how weird it is that I couldn't do that since she's seen me type.
Yeah, except I type a lot. Tie knots? Not so very much. It took me years to learn how to tie my shoes. Not kidding. I still have trouble with cutting and pasting and colouring inside the lines. The only reason I'm so good at typing is how often I've done it. And actually, sometimes, my hands shake when I type, which is really frustrating. My hands really are quite dumb. And I know this. I've always known this. And I try not to let it get me.
Still, my face was burning and I wanted to just scream when I couldn't tie that bloody knot. I joke a lot about my 'drain bamage' to people. And I know I'm smart. But it still sucks when I can't do what most people many years younger than me can do, not because I don't know how but because my body just won't listen.
I don't rant about this often because I know I'm lucky to even be alive. But...a lot of the time Melody will tell me about such and such chore she was able to do from a young age that my parents never even tried to teach me since they knew I'd just get frustrated. And all the things most people my age can do that I just can't quite yet. It's really, really annoying to be horribly behind in some things when I excel at so many others. It makes me feel...not dumb. Just...slow? Not sure. But it sucks.
I could hold the string taut until I actually had to tie the bow. Then my hands would start shaking and I couldn't keep it taut *and* tie the bow at the same time. After several attempts, she agreed I should do something else and noted how weird it is that I couldn't do that since she's seen me type.
Yeah, except I type a lot. Tie knots? Not so very much. It took me years to learn how to tie my shoes. Not kidding. I still have trouble with cutting and pasting and colouring inside the lines. The only reason I'm so good at typing is how often I've done it. And actually, sometimes, my hands shake when I type, which is really frustrating. My hands really are quite dumb. And I know this. I've always known this. And I try not to let it get me.
Still, my face was burning and I wanted to just scream when I couldn't tie that bloody knot. I joke a lot about my 'drain bamage' to people. And I know I'm smart. But it still sucks when I can't do what most people many years younger than me can do, not because I don't know how but because my body just won't listen.
I don't rant about this often because I know I'm lucky to even be alive. But...a lot of the time Melody will tell me about such and such chore she was able to do from a young age that my parents never even tried to teach me since they knew I'd just get frustrated. And all the things most people my age can do that I just can't quite yet. It's really, really annoying to be horribly behind in some things when I excel at so many others. It makes me feel...not dumb. Just...slow? Not sure. But it sucks.
