(no subject)

So positive thing....last night mum won about $100 from a lottery machine, so I get to buy ALL of Karen Marie Moning's Highlander books I don't already have, so I'll have a complete set. Really, would've been satisfied if I was just able to get The Dark Highlander and To Tame a Highland Warrior but this is really nice. Really makes up for last night.

I'm half sick of shadows

Okay, so. I think that last night when I was trying to sleep (again, getting hit by panic attacks, though far less intense) I figured out who the male I'd been sensing is (the one I felt after seeing a picture Anniekins [princeralis] sent my way).

His name is Steven (I think...hope)

His wife is Cheryl/Sheryl or Gwen. I keep hearing those two names, but I can't figure out which one is his daughter and which his wife.

I'll tell you more when I know for sure which one is his daughter. Believe me, she's...interesting.

And, off topic: anyone else been having issues getting lj edits to actually go through? I've been having to delete the original entry and then posting a new one since my edits don't work.

(no subject)

God I love Nemi

The wind I know it's cold

All right. Here's a rough draft of the intro to my story. Steven (who's name might not be Steven after all-I'm trying to hear what Sheryl screamed to be sure) narrates. He won't narrate the whole story, he understands my issues with first person. Just certain parts that need a more...erm, unique perspective. I hope I haven't revealed too much, just enough to make you curious.

We rarely think about how the things we do may impact others. We can’t see beyond the moment, the act. We can’t accept that what we see as a miracle may be damnation for another.

I know Sheryl never hated me for what happened. She wouldn’t let herself. If I had been some random person, she would have focused all her malice on me, done anything in her power to destroy me. But she loved me too much, so she turned her anger on the world.

And Gwen…

I know there was no way I could have known. The plan was different. The plan never involved her or Sheryl suffering. She was supposed to be my last gift to Sheryl. And, though I know Sheryl is happy despite everything that has happened, no explanation I can give justifies what Gwen went through. I am beyond thankful that she won out, that her heart was strong enough to take it. But still…there is a darkness in her eyes now, a bitterness in every smile, that never would have been there if I had used my brain instead of my heart for one goddamned minute.

Of course, I wouldn’t have made the choice I did if I had listened to my brain in the first place. I guess that’s the best place to start, because if that night had never happened-if I had never heard Sheryl screaming or felt that pain in her heart-the rest of it never could have happened.