fic I wrote last night...
Feb. 25th, 2005 05:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladethat is so Brianna's fault
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of these characters belong to me, and I don't own Tori Amos either. AU/OOC to the millionth degree.
Blame Brianna!
Title: Putting the Damage On
Rating: NC-17
Reasons: Sexual violence/language
Genres: Angst/Drama/Romance
Feedback: axebichick@yahoo.com
~And now I'm quite sure there's a light in your platoon. I never seen a light move like yours can do to me. So now I'm wishing for my best impression of my best Angie Dickinson. But now I've got to worry, cause boy you still look pretty to me, but I've got a place to go. I've got a ticket to your late show, now I've got worry. Cause even still you sure are pretty when you're putting the
damage, yes when you're putting the damage on.~-Tori Amos 'Putting The Damage On'
"James?"
"Yeah?" James unbuttoned his shirt, hanging it on the doorknob. God it was good to be home. He turned to face his wife, face blanching as he did. She was holding a pair of leather pants, and it was obvious she knew they weren't his.
"Who's are these?" though he could tell she had a very strong suspison who's pants they were.
"Ah...I bought a pair that was too small, forgot to return them."
"Oh please James, don't lie to me."
He walked over, as if to inspect them.
"Oh! Those are Curt's. Must've got mixed in with mine mistake."
Her eyes flared, filling with tears and anger. She threw the pants at him, pulling back a few steps and sobbing.
"Damn you James! You told me you weren't like him!"
Him. Brian. James swallowed, hearing their last phone conversation before he came home echoing in his head.
*****
"Mandy, really..it's not like ..before…I'm not…Brian…"
"Quite honestly dahling, I can't see much difference right now. I know you're doing it for us, but Brian started out that way too."
"….There's one difference between me and Brian… I don't love Curt."
*****
And for awhile it had been true. For awhile it had just been about making money to support her and the kids after his inevitable death. But that was before her cold words had clawed into him so much that he no longer saw a lover or wife when he looked at her. Now, though, he saw those two things and so much. He saw that he had hurt the woman he loved more than anything in the world, the woman who had given him a beautiful daughter and was going to give him another child in a few months.
This last thought slapped him in the face when she sat on the bed and reached into the bedside drawer, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
"Mand! What the fuck are you doing!?"
She lit a fag and inhaled deeply, blowing smoke at the ceiling as she always did when she was upset.
"How much can you really care about me or this baby if you cheated on me a few weeks ago?"
"Mandy..." he got down on his knees beside her, looking up at her with pleading eyes.
"Please, I'll do anything. Please forgive me."
She held in the smoke for a moment, exhaling on a sigh.
"Anything?"
"Anything."
She glanced at the cigarette then lowered her hand, pressing the burning tip against his bare chest. He gritted his teeth, already reminding himself that he'd promised anything. If she needed to hurt him to accept his apology, so be it.
After a few seconds she ground the cigarette out, looing at him with cold eyes. She stood up, walking towards the adjoining bathroom.
"Take your pants off and lay down on your stomach. I'll be out in a moment."
He nodded, watching her turn away from him. He unzipped his pants, praying as he did that she wouldn't take it too far, that she wouldn't turn to hurting herself as he knew she was very capable of doing. Then he turned back to the bed, laying down with his face turned to the pillow. He heard her soft footsteps, felt the mattress sink a little bit and then heard something dropping onto the bedside table. Her sharp nails slid down his bare back, making his skin prickle. She pressed her mouth against his ear, biting the edge.
"Say you'll submit to me, no matter what."
"I'll submit to you, no matter what." Oh God, what was he getting himself into?
Suddenly, Mandy seemed to soften a little. She ran a hand gently down his arm.
"On the other hand...if I get my way, I'm likely to murder you if you don't say anything. Pick a safeword."
James thought for a moment. Then he buried his face deeper into the pillow so she wouldn't see his tears, speaking just loud enough for her to hear.
"Love."
He heard her swallow, then she pressed her mouth against his temple softly.
"All right, love it is. Say it and we'll stop, okay?"
He nodded. Then she shifted gears again, grabbing his wrists and pulling him onto his knees. He opened his eyes and saw, out of the corner of his eye, a flash of silver. Oh God. He'd forgotten how kinky she and Brian had been.
The cold metal wrapped around his wrists and another set was put around his ankles. Her hands slid up his ankles to the back of his thighs, fingers pinching his tattoo before moving up to his back and neck. She wrapped her fingers around his throat cruelly, finally moving to his temples. She held out something red. A scarf. He looked at her worridely.
"Mand-"
She slapped him across the face.
"Mistress."
Oh God, she was angry. He swallowed, nodding.
"I'm sorry Mistress."
"Good boy" she smiled devilishly and wrapped the scarf across his eyes, tying it at the back of his head. Then she shoved him down on his back. He felt her step away and stay away for a few moments. Then something started running down his chest. Something hot. Not her mouth, this was painful. He groaned without meaning to, and then felt her fingers almost soothing away the pain. He realized then it was wax on his chest. She must have lit a candle and...
"OH FUCK!" he yelled, legs and arms straining against the cuffs as the wax slid down to his cock. Her hand wrapped around him, rubbing slightly.
"Shh...we're just beginning, if you can't handle that then maybe we shouldn't-"
"No!" he knew if he asked her to stop now, she'd never forgive him.
"No, God no" he sobbed softly,
"Continue Mistress. I deserve this punishment."
She chuckled and slid her hand back up. Her wax coated fingers touched his lips and he shuddered, parting his lips and drawing the digits in, gagging at the taste. When she pulled out, she cupped his face and pressed her sharp nails into the flesh, stopping just before breaking the skin. She slid on down, grabbing him by the shoulder and twisting him onto his side and then to his stomach. She pulled away again and James trembled, wondering what she was doing. He didn't have to wonder long. He felt something hard and sharp sting across his back, knowing immediatly what it was. His belt. The belt that had brought about the last moments of pleasure before his diagnosis, had brought about their child's conception...
*****
He moved closer, consuming the space between them, until the large belt moved roughly against Mandy's thigh.
"Oops." he said quietly, when a small trickle of blood ran down her ivory skin, Kneeling, he let his tongue snake up and down the cut.
Mandy inhaled sharply, closing her eyes and rolling her head back. She laced her fingers into his hair, licking her lips and shifting slightly to get the full feel of his tongue.
He let the belt cut her again.
"Did I tell you to touch me?" he said sharply, getting into the role of the dom.
Mandy drew her hands back, casting her eyes down and just barely hiding her smile,
"No, sir", she tried to quiet her breathing. Fuck...she was so hot...
He cocked his head to the side, "You find this amusing?" he cut her again, letting his tongue lap up the warm liquid.
"Go sit on the bed."
*****
Now it was the other way around. She was hurting him, and not out of pleasure but out of anger. Not even just jealous anger, but pained broken hearted anger.
The belt struck him again and he groaned. She hit him again, speaking to him.
"Tell me why you did it!" she sobbed, hitting him twice. He sobbed as well.
"I...I thought..."
"What did you think!?" she hit him harder then ever and he yelled.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out!? That I'd just let it slide on by like I did when Brian did the same thing!? HUH!?" she was crying full force now, hitting him with no pattern in force or direction, just striking so that maybe he'd feel just a tenth of the pain she was feeling.
James shook his head, fingers clenching and body shaking as the pain seeped through his body.
"No...God no Mandy, I thought...I thought we were over. I thought you didn't want me anymore."
As he spoke the hits became less frequent until they stopped. He could almost see her bewildered expression.
"What?"
"I thought that when...when you realized I was dying you wouldn't want me anymore. That you'd want someone healthy who would be there for you and the kids" he sobbed.
"I didn't want to hurt you Mandy, that was the last thing on my mind. I thought if I gave you a reason to leave you would and you wouldn't have to see me...." he choked, shaking his head, feeling the tears slide down to his lips.
"See me die."
Her hand slid over his back, voice soft.
"James..."
"I love you so much Mandy, I just wanted you to be happy, even if I wasn't there."
She sobbed loudly and started undoing the handcuffs. James wondered why until he realized what he had said. Remembered why he'd chosen that as the word.
Her hand slid underneath the scarf, gently undoing it. She helped him sit up, holding his head against her shoulder and rocking him softly, sobbing as she did.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you'd believe me."
"Oh God...God James I'm so sorry..."
He shook his head, nuzzling her neck and kissing her all over her face and shoulders.
"You don't have to be. You did what every woman who's been cheated on fantasizes about doing."
She laughed tearfully, kissing him. He gently rolled her onto her back, laying at her side, playing with her hair and kissing her all over.
"I love you Mandy. Even if it hurts like hell."
She smiled, kissing him hard and leaning her head against his.
"I love you too."
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of these characters belong to me, and I don't own Tori Amos either. AU/OOC to the millionth degree.
Blame Brianna!
Title: Putting the Damage On
Rating: NC-17
Reasons: Sexual violence/language
Genres: Angst/Drama/Romance
Feedback: axebichick@yahoo.com
~And now I'm quite sure there's a light in your platoon. I never seen a light move like yours can do to me. So now I'm wishing for my best impression of my best Angie Dickinson. But now I've got to worry, cause boy you still look pretty to me, but I've got a place to go. I've got a ticket to your late show, now I've got worry. Cause even still you sure are pretty when you're putting the
damage, yes when you're putting the damage on.~-Tori Amos 'Putting The Damage On'
"James?"
"Yeah?" James unbuttoned his shirt, hanging it on the doorknob. God it was good to be home. He turned to face his wife, face blanching as he did. She was holding a pair of leather pants, and it was obvious she knew they weren't his.
"Who's are these?" though he could tell she had a very strong suspison who's pants they were.
"Ah...I bought a pair that was too small, forgot to return them."
"Oh please James, don't lie to me."
He walked over, as if to inspect them.
"Oh! Those are Curt's. Must've got mixed in with mine mistake."
Her eyes flared, filling with tears and anger. She threw the pants at him, pulling back a few steps and sobbing.
"Damn you James! You told me you weren't like him!"
Him. Brian. James swallowed, hearing their last phone conversation before he came home echoing in his head.
*****
"Mandy, really..it's not like ..before…I'm not…Brian…"
"Quite honestly dahling, I can't see much difference right now. I know you're doing it for us, but Brian started out that way too."
"….There's one difference between me and Brian… I don't love Curt."
*****
And for awhile it had been true. For awhile it had just been about making money to support her and the kids after his inevitable death. But that was before her cold words had clawed into him so much that he no longer saw a lover or wife when he looked at her. Now, though, he saw those two things and so much. He saw that he had hurt the woman he loved more than anything in the world, the woman who had given him a beautiful daughter and was going to give him another child in a few months.
This last thought slapped him in the face when she sat on the bed and reached into the bedside drawer, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
"Mand! What the fuck are you doing!?"
She lit a fag and inhaled deeply, blowing smoke at the ceiling as she always did when she was upset.
"How much can you really care about me or this baby if you cheated on me a few weeks ago?"
"Mandy..." he got down on his knees beside her, looking up at her with pleading eyes.
"Please, I'll do anything. Please forgive me."
She held in the smoke for a moment, exhaling on a sigh.
"Anything?"
"Anything."
She glanced at the cigarette then lowered her hand, pressing the burning tip against his bare chest. He gritted his teeth, already reminding himself that he'd promised anything. If she needed to hurt him to accept his apology, so be it.
After a few seconds she ground the cigarette out, looing at him with cold eyes. She stood up, walking towards the adjoining bathroom.
"Take your pants off and lay down on your stomach. I'll be out in a moment."
He nodded, watching her turn away from him. He unzipped his pants, praying as he did that she wouldn't take it too far, that she wouldn't turn to hurting herself as he knew she was very capable of doing. Then he turned back to the bed, laying down with his face turned to the pillow. He heard her soft footsteps, felt the mattress sink a little bit and then heard something dropping onto the bedside table. Her sharp nails slid down his bare back, making his skin prickle. She pressed her mouth against his ear, biting the edge.
"Say you'll submit to me, no matter what."
"I'll submit to you, no matter what." Oh God, what was he getting himself into?
Suddenly, Mandy seemed to soften a little. She ran a hand gently down his arm.
"On the other hand...if I get my way, I'm likely to murder you if you don't say anything. Pick a safeword."
James thought for a moment. Then he buried his face deeper into the pillow so she wouldn't see his tears, speaking just loud enough for her to hear.
"Love."
He heard her swallow, then she pressed her mouth against his temple softly.
"All right, love it is. Say it and we'll stop, okay?"
He nodded. Then she shifted gears again, grabbing his wrists and pulling him onto his knees. He opened his eyes and saw, out of the corner of his eye, a flash of silver. Oh God. He'd forgotten how kinky she and Brian had been.
The cold metal wrapped around his wrists and another set was put around his ankles. Her hands slid up his ankles to the back of his thighs, fingers pinching his tattoo before moving up to his back and neck. She wrapped her fingers around his throat cruelly, finally moving to his temples. She held out something red. A scarf. He looked at her worridely.
"Mand-"
She slapped him across the face.
"Mistress."
Oh God, she was angry. He swallowed, nodding.
"I'm sorry Mistress."
"Good boy" she smiled devilishly and wrapped the scarf across his eyes, tying it at the back of his head. Then she shoved him down on his back. He felt her step away and stay away for a few moments. Then something started running down his chest. Something hot. Not her mouth, this was painful. He groaned without meaning to, and then felt her fingers almost soothing away the pain. He realized then it was wax on his chest. She must have lit a candle and...
"OH FUCK!" he yelled, legs and arms straining against the cuffs as the wax slid down to his cock. Her hand wrapped around him, rubbing slightly.
"Shh...we're just beginning, if you can't handle that then maybe we shouldn't-"
"No!" he knew if he asked her to stop now, she'd never forgive him.
"No, God no" he sobbed softly,
"Continue Mistress. I deserve this punishment."
She chuckled and slid her hand back up. Her wax coated fingers touched his lips and he shuddered, parting his lips and drawing the digits in, gagging at the taste. When she pulled out, she cupped his face and pressed her sharp nails into the flesh, stopping just before breaking the skin. She slid on down, grabbing him by the shoulder and twisting him onto his side and then to his stomach. She pulled away again and James trembled, wondering what she was doing. He didn't have to wonder long. He felt something hard and sharp sting across his back, knowing immediatly what it was. His belt. The belt that had brought about the last moments of pleasure before his diagnosis, had brought about their child's conception...
*****
He moved closer, consuming the space between them, until the large belt moved roughly against Mandy's thigh.
"Oops." he said quietly, when a small trickle of blood ran down her ivory skin, Kneeling, he let his tongue snake up and down the cut.
Mandy inhaled sharply, closing her eyes and rolling her head back. She laced her fingers into his hair, licking her lips and shifting slightly to get the full feel of his tongue.
He let the belt cut her again.
"Did I tell you to touch me?" he said sharply, getting into the role of the dom.
Mandy drew her hands back, casting her eyes down and just barely hiding her smile,
"No, sir", she tried to quiet her breathing. Fuck...she was so hot...
He cocked his head to the side, "You find this amusing?" he cut her again, letting his tongue lap up the warm liquid.
"Go sit on the bed."
*****
Now it was the other way around. She was hurting him, and not out of pleasure but out of anger. Not even just jealous anger, but pained broken hearted anger.
The belt struck him again and he groaned. She hit him again, speaking to him.
"Tell me why you did it!" she sobbed, hitting him twice. He sobbed as well.
"I...I thought..."
"What did you think!?" she hit him harder then ever and he yelled.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out!? That I'd just let it slide on by like I did when Brian did the same thing!? HUH!?" she was crying full force now, hitting him with no pattern in force or direction, just striking so that maybe he'd feel just a tenth of the pain she was feeling.
James shook his head, fingers clenching and body shaking as the pain seeped through his body.
"No...God no Mandy, I thought...I thought we were over. I thought you didn't want me anymore."
As he spoke the hits became less frequent until they stopped. He could almost see her bewildered expression.
"What?"
"I thought that when...when you realized I was dying you wouldn't want me anymore. That you'd want someone healthy who would be there for you and the kids" he sobbed.
"I didn't want to hurt you Mandy, that was the last thing on my mind. I thought if I gave you a reason to leave you would and you wouldn't have to see me...." he choked, shaking his head, feeling the tears slide down to his lips.
"See me die."
Her hand slid over his back, voice soft.
"James..."
"I love you so much Mandy, I just wanted you to be happy, even if I wasn't there."
She sobbed loudly and started undoing the handcuffs. James wondered why until he realized what he had said. Remembered why he'd chosen that as the word.
Her hand slid underneath the scarf, gently undoing it. She helped him sit up, holding his head against her shoulder and rocking him softly, sobbing as she did.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you'd believe me."
"Oh God...God James I'm so sorry..."
He shook his head, nuzzling her neck and kissing her all over her face and shoulders.
"You don't have to be. You did what every woman who's been cheated on fantasizes about doing."
She laughed tearfully, kissing him. He gently rolled her onto her back, laying at her side, playing with her hair and kissing her all over.
"I love you Mandy. Even if it hurts like hell."
She smiled, kissing him hard and leaning her head against his.
"I love you too."
