(no subject)
Aug. 3rd, 2010 02:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
axesladeSo I hate the Tenth Doctor, with a few episode-exceptions.
It's like this. I say often, half-joking, that I'm Jack Harkness, except when I'm not. And when it comes to Ten, I am sooooo Jack.
MARTHA helps JACK stand. JACK and the THE DOCTOR stare at each other coldly.
JACK:
Doctor.
THE DOCTOR:
Captain.
JACK:
Good to see you.
THE DOCTOR:
And you. Same as ever…although…have you had work done?
JACK:
You can talk!
THE DOCTOR:
Oh yes, the face. Regeneration. How did you know this was me?
JACK:
The police box kinda gives it away. I’ve been following you for a long time. You abandoned me.
THE DOCTOR:
Did I? Busy life. Move on
That conversation, right there? Tweak the necessary bits, could have happened between me and the Not-Ex. So easily. So often s/he would up and leave me, and I would be sitting there wondering what the fuck had just happened and why they had done this and what had I done to deserve it--then flash, bang, back in my life just like nothing had happened. Annnnnd...
JACK:
Just gotta ask. The Battle of Canary Wharf. I saw the list of the dead. It said Rose Tyler.
THE DOCTOR:
Oh no! Sorry! She’s alive!
JACK:
You’re kidding?!
THE DOCTOR:
Parallel world safe and sound. And Mickey! And her mother!
JACK:
Oh yes!
JACK hugs the THE DOCTOR and they laugh.
...just like that, I'd let them back and it'd be like old times.
***
I have not seen much of the Tenth Doctor's run. A huge part of this is because some of the only bits I have seen have been Jack's reintroduction into Doctor Who, and how Ten treats Jack. Watching them, I see myself and NE. The look in Jack's eyes when he hears the TARDIS at the end of Series One of Torchwood...I know that look. I've worn it. When s/he would come back, and my heart would be in my throat and I'd want to cry and laugh at the same time. The anger in 'you abandoned me'--the kind of words I never said, save once the very first time it happened. The apology I got then felt real, but now I know it was more 'did I?'. And I always believed something horrible had happened, due to their history etc. And then, 'oh, sorry, she's alive!'--and it's all right then, isn't it? I let it be, because I so wanted them. So I smiled, and I laughed, and it was okay because it had to be.
****
MARTHA:
It’s like…I know you’re there but I don’t want to know.
DOCTOR:
And back again. (takes off key) See? It just shifts your perception a tiny little bit. Doesn’t make us invisible, just unnoticed. Oh, I know what it’s like. It’s like—it’s like when you fancy someone and they don’t even know you exist. That’s what it’s like. Come on!
MARTHA looks at JACK.
JACK:
You too, huh?
****
That. Oh dear god. I swear, it was like I was always behind/in a perception filter with NE. We'd have a good time for months on end and then suddenly...I wasn't there. Well I was, but they just chose to not see me. I wasn't an important part of their life, except when I was. And I was always there. Always waiting. I won't say it was like Jack waiting for the Doctor now that I'm out of it, but when I was in it...yeah. Even after knowing that the Doctor thinks he's wrong, Jack runs at his heels. Makes his tea. Puts his coat on for him. When he really should be running the hell away, because who got him stuck in this can't die mess in the first place? (Oh, and that's not fair, I like Nine and Rose).
*****
MARTHA:
Right, then. (kisses him on the cheek then walks out. She starts off then turns and goes back inside the TARDIS) ‘Cause the thing is, it's like my friend Vicky, she lived with this bloke, student housing, there were five of them, all packed in, and this bloke was called Sean. And she loved him, she did. She completely adored him. Spent all day long talking about him.
DOCTOR:
Is this going anywhere?
MARTHA:
Yes! (the DOCTOR crosses his arms) ‘Cause he never looked at her twice. I mean, he liked her, but that was it. And she wasted years pining after him, years of her life, ‘cause while he was around, she never looked at anyone else. And I told her, I always said to her, time and time again, I said: Get out. So this is me, getting out
****
Jack makes the choice to not go with the Doctor, and once we pick up in Torchwood he makes it clear he came back for Ianto (and Tosh and Owen and Gwen), but...Martha clearly states she's getting out because she's not being treated like she deserves. That she is not being seen, and that she deserves more.
I was Jack. I am Jack, when it comes to NE. NE ran off without a word, we never really broke off per se. And while it has now been almost three years since I hear from them last...I like to think I wouldn't go back even in a platonic sense...I might. Because I am not Martha Jones. I am Jack Harkness. I have waited for someone who didn't deserve it too many times, but I still love them. I love another person with my entire heart, but despite being left and forgotten and made invisible, part of me still loves 'my Doctor'. When I was with NE, I did not see Girl, not completely and not the way I do now. Because for all the rot, all the'I was busy'...there were wonders. I did explore the universe, in my own way, with NE, and nothing will make that go away.
And that is why I can't watch the Tenth Doctor. Because in my mind he is NE. When he tells Jack he is wrong, it is NE yelling at me in one particularly nasty fight. When he says he was busy, it is NE vanishing off the face of the earth for serveral months and then pish-poshing it away with 'oh, life', as if I was not a part of their life. When I watch Ten, particularly with Martha, I am her and I am Jack Harkness, stuck behind a perception filter. When I see Jack with the Doctor's hand, running after the TARDIS...it's me, running after the person I could never catch. On the flip side of that, of course...in Ianto, in his waiting for Jack through a death he didn't believe he'd come out of and his adventures with Ten...I see Girl, who amazingly waited for me to take off my fucking rose coloured glasses and get my shit together. Really, she's still waiting for that because...well, we see in Jack that he's really not over the Doctor. But he's realised it's not happening, not the way he wants to, and when he comes back he sees Ianto as more than a friend-and-sometime-fuck-buddy, and Ianto's there. And sometimes, being there, not being 'busy'...just that is enough.
...I promise fun moving-into-flat post later in the week. I just...needed to get this out.
It's like this. I say often, half-joking, that I'm Jack Harkness, except when I'm not. And when it comes to Ten, I am sooooo Jack.
MARTHA helps JACK stand. JACK and the THE DOCTOR stare at each other coldly.
JACK:
Doctor.
THE DOCTOR:
Captain.
JACK:
Good to see you.
THE DOCTOR:
And you. Same as ever…although…have you had work done?
JACK:
You can talk!
THE DOCTOR:
Oh yes, the face. Regeneration. How did you know this was me?
JACK:
The police box kinda gives it away. I’ve been following you for a long time. You abandoned me.
THE DOCTOR:
Did I? Busy life. Move on
That conversation, right there? Tweak the necessary bits, could have happened between me and the Not-Ex. So easily. So often s/he would up and leave me, and I would be sitting there wondering what the fuck had just happened and why they had done this and what had I done to deserve it--then flash, bang, back in my life just like nothing had happened. Annnnnd...
JACK:
Just gotta ask. The Battle of Canary Wharf. I saw the list of the dead. It said Rose Tyler.
THE DOCTOR:
Oh no! Sorry! She’s alive!
JACK:
You’re kidding?!
THE DOCTOR:
Parallel world safe and sound. And Mickey! And her mother!
JACK:
Oh yes!
JACK hugs the THE DOCTOR and they laugh.
...just like that, I'd let them back and it'd be like old times.
***
I have not seen much of the Tenth Doctor's run. A huge part of this is because some of the only bits I have seen have been Jack's reintroduction into Doctor Who, and how Ten treats Jack. Watching them, I see myself and NE. The look in Jack's eyes when he hears the TARDIS at the end of Series One of Torchwood...I know that look. I've worn it. When s/he would come back, and my heart would be in my throat and I'd want to cry and laugh at the same time. The anger in 'you abandoned me'--the kind of words I never said, save once the very first time it happened. The apology I got then felt real, but now I know it was more 'did I?'. And I always believed something horrible had happened, due to their history etc. And then, 'oh, sorry, she's alive!'--and it's all right then, isn't it? I let it be, because I so wanted them. So I smiled, and I laughed, and it was okay because it had to be.
****
MARTHA:
It’s like…I know you’re there but I don’t want to know.
DOCTOR:
And back again. (takes off key) See? It just shifts your perception a tiny little bit. Doesn’t make us invisible, just unnoticed. Oh, I know what it’s like. It’s like—it’s like when you fancy someone and they don’t even know you exist. That’s what it’s like. Come on!
MARTHA looks at JACK.
JACK:
You too, huh?
****
That. Oh dear god. I swear, it was like I was always behind/in a perception filter with NE. We'd have a good time for months on end and then suddenly...I wasn't there. Well I was, but they just chose to not see me. I wasn't an important part of their life, except when I was. And I was always there. Always waiting. I won't say it was like Jack waiting for the Doctor now that I'm out of it, but when I was in it...yeah. Even after knowing that the Doctor thinks he's wrong, Jack runs at his heels. Makes his tea. Puts his coat on for him. When he really should be running the hell away, because who got him stuck in this can't die mess in the first place? (Oh, and that's not fair, I like Nine and Rose).
*****
MARTHA:
Right, then. (kisses him on the cheek then walks out. She starts off then turns and goes back inside the TARDIS) ‘Cause the thing is, it's like my friend Vicky, she lived with this bloke, student housing, there were five of them, all packed in, and this bloke was called Sean. And she loved him, she did. She completely adored him. Spent all day long talking about him.
DOCTOR:
Is this going anywhere?
MARTHA:
Yes! (the DOCTOR crosses his arms) ‘Cause he never looked at her twice. I mean, he liked her, but that was it. And she wasted years pining after him, years of her life, ‘cause while he was around, she never looked at anyone else. And I told her, I always said to her, time and time again, I said: Get out. So this is me, getting out
****
Jack makes the choice to not go with the Doctor, and once we pick up in Torchwood he makes it clear he came back for Ianto (and Tosh and Owen and Gwen), but...Martha clearly states she's getting out because she's not being treated like she deserves. That she is not being seen, and that she deserves more.
I was Jack. I am Jack, when it comes to NE. NE ran off without a word, we never really broke off per se. And while it has now been almost three years since I hear from them last...I like to think I wouldn't go back even in a platonic sense...I might. Because I am not Martha Jones. I am Jack Harkness. I have waited for someone who didn't deserve it too many times, but I still love them. I love another person with my entire heart, but despite being left and forgotten and made invisible, part of me still loves 'my Doctor'. When I was with NE, I did not see Girl, not completely and not the way I do now. Because for all the rot, all the'I was busy'...there were wonders. I did explore the universe, in my own way, with NE, and nothing will make that go away.
And that is why I can't watch the Tenth Doctor. Because in my mind he is NE. When he tells Jack he is wrong, it is NE yelling at me in one particularly nasty fight. When he says he was busy, it is NE vanishing off the face of the earth for serveral months and then pish-poshing it away with 'oh, life', as if I was not a part of their life. When I watch Ten, particularly with Martha, I am her and I am Jack Harkness, stuck behind a perception filter. When I see Jack with the Doctor's hand, running after the TARDIS...it's me, running after the person I could never catch. On the flip side of that, of course...in Ianto, in his waiting for Jack through a death he didn't believe he'd come out of and his adventures with Ten...I see Girl, who amazingly waited for me to take off my fucking rose coloured glasses and get my shit together. Really, she's still waiting for that because...well, we see in Jack that he's really not over the Doctor. But he's realised it's not happening, not the way he wants to, and when he comes back he sees Ianto as more than a friend-and-sometime-fuck-buddy, and Ianto's there. And sometimes, being there, not being 'busy'...just that is enough.
...I promise fun moving-into-flat post later in the week. I just...needed to get this out.
