Mar. 25th, 2010

axeslade: (clyde hiding)

I've been randomly looking up people (mostly the girls) from middle school on Facebook/Myspace. Keeping in mind that the vast majority of them made my life pretty rotten. But I've been thinking...we all know middle school is hell. And I'd like to think some (not all, I know better) of them have moved beyond that. I mean, I am definitely not the same person I was in middle school. Thank God/dess, too. I would slap little-me in the back of the head. I can't imagine Girl falling for the person I was back then for a lot of reasons.

Also? A lot of those hurts they inflicted...well, I was an easy target, and it's what girls are socialised to do, isn't it? They're supposed to make each other's lives hell. And a lot of what they did (particularly before I came out) was them trying to groom me into an 'acceptable' female, because that's what we train girls to do. And, particularly in that community, if you went too far outside the box and resisted any attempts to be put back in and dared to be proud, you had to be mocked. I have no idea if any of them nursed same-sex desires or gender bending leanings. I won't say any did (though odds say there was probably at least one other). But the way they attacked me makes me think far too much of Maia Sharp's 'Fall Like Magarite'

Margarite had a fire inside
We liked to watch it burn
But then the flames they got too high and
When the fire turned
On us we had to put it out
I didn't get it
But I get it now
Just what turned their faces red
They really wanted to be like her
And when they couldn't do that, they said:
'Keep your words nice and neat
Or fall like Margarite
Better to bow, kiss their feet
Then stick too hard to who you are
And fall like Margarite'


So. Do I give it a go with some of them?

Sigh. I dunno. I feel like this is something that is going to fester forever if I don't. I've had some degree of closure with NE and FS. I think I need closure with this too.

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