I was ready for the downslide, not for spring to well up

So, this NYT piece on how a partner's transition changes you...yeah.

I need to blather on that when I'm not getting ready for classes. But quick hit: Yes. Yes I am horribly afraid of what my transition, however long it ends up lasting, will do to us. I've said this before and I will keep saying it. It's not because I don't trust or believe Girl when she says she'll love me no matter what changes I make to this body. I believe that. It's just...well, as articles like this make clear, it is more complicated than that. Although, I think, it will be more so on MY end as I'm the one who is more openly, fabulously queer.

...yeah, more when I'm actually awake.

State of the body (and mind)

-Had a hike in Geology Lab today. I started shaking before we even GOT to the mountain. Fuck you, legs. Also, fuck you guy who tried to urge me to climb higher when I said very clearly 'I don't think I should', and when I was visibly having trouble. I know my limits most of the time. I knew the feeling I was having--legs shaking, gut rising, etc (I did throw up a small bit on the way to the parking lot--very normal for me, but still very annoying). I did manage to walk around to get a better vantage of some rocks, but seriously. Fuck you. (Thank you awesome Prof who understood). This is why I don't go out often. I LIKE the outdoors, but it is not kind to me or my broken parts.
-Just changed my name on Facebook to [chosen name]. While I am not legally [chosen name]...I made [given name] my alternate, and most people who will meet me now are given [chosen name] right off anyway, so there we are.
-Arrrgh, Quizno's last night was a baaad idea. But so gooood. Stupid broken body.