You'll never share real love 'til you've been burned

Okay, this'll probably be December's smarmy post.

Forever

This is probably going to sound really...conceited? But the whole time I was reading this, I was going '...yeah, and...?' 'Relationships are work, that's not news'.

THIS is why I don't really, really regret what happened with Not-Ex. Because I think that idea would have been news to me otherwise. I think NE taught me that it does take a lot more than wanting a relationship to work to make it do so. Which could be why, despite the age, distance, etc. thing, I do think that the Girl and I have lasting power.

...not as smarmy as I thought it would be. Huh.

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Because the school store doesn't have packs of holiday cards out yet, and I really need to get stuff done post haste, I am making my own. Most of you know I can't draw to save my fucking life. But I am decent with watercolours. Paraphrasing my middle school art teacher during our watercolour unit, 'I think we've finally found something you're good at'.

So, I bought 100 plain index cards, some watercolours and three brushes. They'll all be abstract art that makes no sense and makes no picture, but might be pretty.

If you want one, let me know.

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So, I just did a practice watercolour. About ten minutes, quick little landscape (which is the one thing I really remember doing in art class). The sky is crap because I totally forgot how to do it proper until after it was done, and for the life of me I cannot remember how to do grass. But you know what? I didn't get so frustrated I had to stop, unlike with my writing. I think it's because painting isn't what I want to do with my life, so I'm able to have fun with it even when it's crap. Writing...even when it's good anymore, it's not fun, and goddamn I want it to be fun again. I don't know how to stop caring about the quality, tho. NaNo didn't do it. The last time I didn't care, when I managed to churn out a 400 page novel in three months, was when I was nearly-suicidal-depressed. So, you know, probably not the road to go down. But...I don't know any other way to stop stressing myself out of action about something I love. And that's probably really fucked up.