These are the same eyes that cried the same tears...

While I wast trying to get back to sleep at god-awful this morning...I just started thinking about things. Like Spring Awakening. And how this time last year I was in Laramie Project. And how, for awhile, that was the only thing that kept me hanging on. That and Pearlshine. I just remember...forcing myself to go to practice, forcing myself to write, because I didn't know what else to do. There were days when mom would be driving me to practice and I would just be wondering why the fuck I was even trying.

I know the root of most of that feeling. It was a stupid thing to go over the edge about, but I did. And...I had been thinking on that thing a few days back. And it didn't make me feel the same way. The rush of emotion, negative or positive, was absent. There was actually something akin to embaressment. I hate saying that, but it's what I felt.

And I just kind of wish I could go back and talk to the me of a year ago. I kind of want to bitchslap hir. But I know I needed to go through that, fight my way through that place. So...I just want to tell hir that it will be okay. That there will be some days, in about a year, when sie won't think about it. They'll be rare, but they will happen, and that I'm sure those days will become more frequent. That in three months, an amazing thing will happen. That it's okay to be sad, but not to be afraid of being happy either.

*blink*That last line just reminded me of a song...I was listening to it awhile ago, and while I used to really connect it to some characters...

>
There's things that I can't leave alone
'Cause they won't leave me alone
'Cause what I want ain't what I need
Still I reach for the things I crave
Then try to run away
Maybe I'm afraid of being free
When I'm not chasing demons
There's demons chasing me
-Kenny Chesney 'Demons'

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