(no subject)

I need to coat my ring again. I can't wear it right now because it's making my fingers itch a lot. Not as bad as the allergic reaction I had to the one chain, but I'm sure if I kept wearing it, it'd get that bad.

I really need to start working on my Comp. and Lit. papers. Sigh, I don't wanna.

She'll tell you it makes her complete

Another thing I meant to post about when the internet at school was going crazy...

Thanks to a FTM's site, I found a name of another surgeon who is closer and charges considerably less. Problem? It seems that this surgeon assumes you're making a full transition and requires T (at least as far as I can tell-gave me a headache trying to read through the medical crap on his site).

If I had no other choice, I'd go on T no question. It'd be worth it in the long run. But I do have a choice. And given my medical history (not to mention the cost of T), any time I can avoid putting hormones into my body it's a good thing.

So, I'll end up paying a lot more (appx. $20,000 for the mastectomy, partial hysterectomy, travel expenses and possible revisions) for the same service because Brownstein at least sees the gender spectrum. Le sigh.

Random kind of...it's weird how much I relate to this song. I know it's about breast cancer...but...

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body posessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Every day that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete
...
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken it's toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul

And now I'm still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

(no subject)

Listening to the voice clips on ftmtransition.com...first of all, makes me realize how deep my voice really is hearing his pre-T voice. Holy crap, I don't think I've ever sounded near that high since I was...six? Makes me wonder how much those five/six years of artificial T did affect me. Also hearing his voice after five years of T...if it weren't for all the other things it does to your body (I do not need more/thicker body hair. At all) and the fact someone else would have to put up with my voice cracking and such, I don't think I'd mind all that much.

Double-le sigh

EDIT: Reading thru his monthly updates...there are some side-effects of T that I would like. Things I would really rather not mention here as I found out my mother is still reading my lj (and I really dislike locking it, blah). Just...if any of you have heard me whine about my gym class and certain things I've worn that have made life really uncomfortable, I think you'll have an idea.