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Aug. 19th, 2004 11:36 amwrote a trainspotting fic last night while listening to Gen. X's 'Kiss Me Deadly'. Since it's short, I'll post it here. can't talk to Char today since she's taking her cousin to Princess Diaries 2 *pout*
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. Trainspotting fic I wrote last night. Alison on the death of baby Dawn. Blame Generation X's Kiss Me Deadly, which really should have been in the film.
Title: Another Dumb Casuality
Rating: R
Reasons: You've seen the movie, you know
Genres: Angst
I walked into the bedroom, intending to check up on Dawn since I hadn't heard her make a noise in a bit. Good, she was sleeping. I hated having to hear her cry.
I guess I should have thought it was too quiet. But I didn't. I figured she was just sleeping real deep, just wanted to make sure she was still breathing so I could go back and shoot up without a worry.
I don't know if I noticed that she wasn't breathing before I pulled back the blanket. I just remember seeing her face, frozen. I tried to wake her up, flicking her arms and tapping her face. Nothing. I got desperate, slapping her a few times and crying for her to wake up. Eventually I must've realized that she wasn't going to come out of it and started screaming.
The boys were too out of it to notice, of course. They always were. All the fucking smack in their veins. I must've been crying and screaming for an hour before they noticed. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe that one of those men could make it better, men always do if the junk doesn't.
So anyway, here I am screaming my bloody lungs out, one of them finally wakes up. Sick Boy. I don't know if he understood a word I was saying, I didn't bloody care right then. I just clawed at him, trying to tell him even though my brain couldn't form the words that my baby, *our* baby was dead. Rents and the others came then, followed him into the bedroom. They all stood there for a long time, too fucking long. Sick Boy yelled at Rents, I know he was trying not to cry. He did anyway. When he came out while Rents was cooking it up he was crying. He pushed the needle in my vein with none of the strange kinkiness we'd had all the other times we'd shot up together. Just erasing pain.
I woke up a few hours later, all cried out and too hoarse to scream again. So I just went in there with heroin-induced numbness, picked her up and dumped her in a trash bin.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. Trainspotting fic I wrote last night. Alison on the death of baby Dawn. Blame Generation X's Kiss Me Deadly, which really should have been in the film.
Title: Another Dumb Casuality
Rating: R
Reasons: You've seen the movie, you know
Genres: Angst
I walked into the bedroom, intending to check up on Dawn since I hadn't heard her make a noise in a bit. Good, she was sleeping. I hated having to hear her cry.
I guess I should have thought it was too quiet. But I didn't. I figured she was just sleeping real deep, just wanted to make sure she was still breathing so I could go back and shoot up without a worry.
I don't know if I noticed that she wasn't breathing before I pulled back the blanket. I just remember seeing her face, frozen. I tried to wake her up, flicking her arms and tapping her face. Nothing. I got desperate, slapping her a few times and crying for her to wake up. Eventually I must've realized that she wasn't going to come out of it and started screaming.
The boys were too out of it to notice, of course. They always were. All the fucking smack in their veins. I must've been crying and screaming for an hour before they noticed. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe that one of those men could make it better, men always do if the junk doesn't.
So anyway, here I am screaming my bloody lungs out, one of them finally wakes up. Sick Boy. I don't know if he understood a word I was saying, I didn't bloody care right then. I just clawed at him, trying to tell him even though my brain couldn't form the words that my baby, *our* baby was dead. Rents and the others came then, followed him into the bedroom. They all stood there for a long time, too fucking long. Sick Boy yelled at Rents, I know he was trying not to cry. He did anyway. When he came out while Rents was cooking it up he was crying. He pushed the needle in my vein with none of the strange kinkiness we'd had all the other times we'd shot up together. Just erasing pain.
I woke up a few hours later, all cried out and too hoarse to scream again. So I just went in there with heroin-induced numbness, picked her up and dumped her in a trash bin.
