Jun. 22nd, 2008

Good stuff

Jun. 22nd, 2008 01:14 am
axeslade: (juno cheese)
Two days! *squee*
axeslade: (chambermaid)
I've had the book this poem is in for a long time. I've read it many times. But this is the first time I've really been able to relate to it, in the good way.

The Meaning Of The Smell Of Sweat
Niama Lesile JoAnn Williams

it has been so long oshun
depression silenced your voice
walled me in
i took refuge under the covers.

now it as though the world has started anew
i have energy again
faith again
poems bloom at 4am again
i accept that i am a night person
long for residence in a quiet town
with a theatre
where gunshots do not populate the night

waking from depression is not a process
one morning or evening you just realize the bad days are over
suddenly you want to get out of bed
your chosen career is no longer a mistake
under the covers is no longer the safest place.

waking from depression is a gift
the doctor reduces your medication
you find you are closer to the goal line than you thought
getting a phd seems viable

you pull your head from beneath the covers and smell flowers
instead of your own sweat.
axeslade: (chambermaid)
Okay, so I was woken by a dream that seemed pleasant, but when I realized one tiny part of it, shook me a bit. But I was still tired, so I figure back to sleep. Onlyc I coudn't get comfortable. Not at all unusual for me.

Then I realized I couldn't get comfy because my right leg was cramping up. Which means the painters will be here soon.

*groan*I knew the timing would be horrible this month, but fucking hell.

*goes to hunt down painkillers to attempt more sleep*
axeslade: (queen of wands future will eat me)
The people at GQR are so amazing. I don't know if there's anyone else here who is gender-ambigous or whatever, but if you need support, check out their yahoo group. I've been asking questions re: my masectomy, and they're so lovely. I've gotten info on a surgeron who's prices, while high, aren't INSANE and who is very queer friendly and a really great letter from the mod and other stuff.

In other news, holy god I feel like crap. My hormones are kicking my ass. Days like this, I seriously consider testosterone just to stop this.

EDIT: just got done looking at pre/post op pics from that doctor. Oh my God. I mean, since I don't intend to do anythign else I was sort of just cutting off the guy's heads, just looking at their chests...*heavy sigh*

You know...things like this make the fact I'll probably have to be an editor for awhile worth it. If it means I can be me sooner...
axeslade: (juno cheese)
Okay, while I e-mail her and crap, I don't think she's gotten the public kudos she deserves. And she reads this, so here I go, making a complete goof of myself.

I really don't think Bri gives herself enough credit. She says she's just dealing because, well, she loves me. But there have been a lot of people who say that, and then go '...wait, you want to do WHAT to WHERE now?...umm...okay...' *walks away slowly...* 'Aww, screw this' *runs* And particularly when you're just going part instead of all the way...it can creep some people the fuck out enough where love just ain't enough.

So umm...yeah. I really just had to say that, because I just keep looking at the pictures, at me, at the pictures...and it takes a whole lot of more than love to accept that the person you're with isn't always going to be like this, and doesn't want to.

Umm....*runs before she gets any sappier*
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