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still more
Jesus girls, now if only you'd get working on the third chap of AW so Brianna would be satisfied.
Disclaimer: So not mine.
Title: Turn My Back On Loving
Rating: PG-13
Reasons: Adult situations
Genres: Drama/Angst/Romance
Feedback: axebichick@yahoo.com
*~Inspired by the video for the song quoted below*~
~I dream ahead to what I hope for and I turn my back on loving you. How can this love be a good thing when I know what I'm goin' through? In my head there's only you now, this world falls on me. In this world there's real and make believe, and this seems real to me~-3 Doors Down 'Let Me Go'
New York-September 15, 1977-9:30 P.M.
James swallowed as he walked into the club. Mandy had told him to meet her here so they could talk about 'things'. This would be the first time they'd talk face to face since the divorce had been finalized in June. The excuse he gave himself was that he wanted to see the kids, but he knew he wanted to see if she'd moved on like he had.
His heart skipped several beats when he walked through the doorway. He should have known what type of club it was when some guy asked for his I.D., but he'd hoped it was just a bar. No such luck, apparently. Well, maybe she wasn't working here. Maybe she just didn't want to meet at her apartment. Maybe...
Then he heard her voice. Heard her laugh, and then the whisper she only used when they had sex. He turned and clenched his hands under the table. She wasn't his wife anymore, so what did it matter that she was in a corset and fishnets giving some guy a lap dance? Again he tried reasoning that it mattered because of the kids. He had a respectable job, would it be so hard for her to get one? But he was kidding himself again. He was jealous. He wanted to be the one sitting there. He wanted to whisper sweet things in her ear instead of slapping her ass and laughing as that drunk was doing.
He watched this go one for the better part of an hour. Sometimes she'd go onto the stage, grinding against the pole and making kissy faces to the men. Usually someone would stick money between her breasts or in her garter belt and she'd start performing for them alone. A few times James had the urge to take out the money himself to show her that in some sad way he still cared for her. But he didn't. After forty minutes he finally stood up and walked away in disgust and pain.
***
Mandy sighed as she walked out of the dressing room in the slutty clothes. God she hated this. Admittidly, it was better than giving strange men blow jobs, but just barely. At least she'd get to talk to James tonight, maybe he could help her find a way out. Or maybe, if God smiled, she'd go home with him. Ha. He hated her now, it was amazing he'd agreed to speak with her.
She was just straddling one of the 'regulars' when he walked in. She watched his eyes drift around, obviously hoping she was a waitress or just a drunk. Then his gaze landed on her and his face fell. She saw his heart break, saw her hands crushing his spirit for the millionth time in four years. Dammit, she knew she should have told him.
Over the next half hour, she thought about signalling to him somehow, but worried someone would catch it. So she just kept going, waiting for her shift to end. Ten minutes before she was getting off, he got up and walked away. As she watched his back turn to her, she bit her lip and kept on rubbing against the fifty year old man.
***
James pulled up at the apartment complex, asking himself why he was doing this when he was so angry. Sure, he wanted to see the girls and Seth. But he could wait until morning. Did he want to 'save' her? No, she deserved what she'd gotten, she was the one who left. He wanted to yell at her, ask her why she thought this life was better then the one he had given her. Why the 'affection' of perverts was preferrable to his love.
He walked up the stairs, running into her landlord on the way. The old woman sighed,
"She's not back yet."
"Oh. Do you know-"
As he spoke, James heard the sharp clicking of high heels. He turned and saw Mandy trudging up the stairs, holding a black leather coat around her body. He pressed himself against the wall, staying in the shadows to watch.
She met her landlady's eyes and smiled softly. She reached into her purse and handed the woman a few bills.
"Next month too" she muttered. The woman nodded and walked away. Then Mandy took out a key and walked into the apartment. James cautiously made his way to the doorway, stunned when she didn't lock the door. He stood there, watching her drop her coat and purse, then turn into the other room. He walked in after her, standing at the end of the hall to watch.
She stood over the bed where Christina and Jamie slept, brushing her fingers over the faces of her daughters. He thought she might be crying, but he couldn't tell.
Then she moved onto Seth's crib. James felt his heartstrings tug as his son started crying, wanting nothing more then to stand behind Mandy to help get him back to sleep. But he just watched as she picked him, murmuring softly.
"Shhh...it's okay sweetheart, Mommy's here...." when he kept crying and refused to eat, Mandy walked over to the other side of the room, keeping her back to the door. She seemed to be looking for something, then picked up a photograph. She shifted Seth so she was holding him in the crook of her left arm. She handed him the picture, kissing his hair.
"Who's that? Hmm?" she whispered. Seth made a little cooing noise and she laughed, tears sliding down her face,
"That's right, it's Daddy...." the tears came in rivers now, but she kept on smiling and laughing. Seth laughed too, and James felt the urge to hold both of them, take them away from this life he'd chased them into. Instead, he turned away and walked out.
Disclaimer: So not mine.
Title: Turn My Back On Loving
Rating: PG-13
Reasons: Adult situations
Genres: Drama/Angst/Romance
Feedback: axebichick@yahoo.com
*~Inspired by the video for the song quoted below*~
~I dream ahead to what I hope for and I turn my back on loving you. How can this love be a good thing when I know what I'm goin' through? In my head there's only you now, this world falls on me. In this world there's real and make believe, and this seems real to me~-3 Doors Down 'Let Me Go'
New York-September 15, 1977-9:30 P.M.
James swallowed as he walked into the club. Mandy had told him to meet her here so they could talk about 'things'. This would be the first time they'd talk face to face since the divorce had been finalized in June. The excuse he gave himself was that he wanted to see the kids, but he knew he wanted to see if she'd moved on like he had.
His heart skipped several beats when he walked through the doorway. He should have known what type of club it was when some guy asked for his I.D., but he'd hoped it was just a bar. No such luck, apparently. Well, maybe she wasn't working here. Maybe she just didn't want to meet at her apartment. Maybe...
Then he heard her voice. Heard her laugh, and then the whisper she only used when they had sex. He turned and clenched his hands under the table. She wasn't his wife anymore, so what did it matter that she was in a corset and fishnets giving some guy a lap dance? Again he tried reasoning that it mattered because of the kids. He had a respectable job, would it be so hard for her to get one? But he was kidding himself again. He was jealous. He wanted to be the one sitting there. He wanted to whisper sweet things in her ear instead of slapping her ass and laughing as that drunk was doing.
He watched this go one for the better part of an hour. Sometimes she'd go onto the stage, grinding against the pole and making kissy faces to the men. Usually someone would stick money between her breasts or in her garter belt and she'd start performing for them alone. A few times James had the urge to take out the money himself to show her that in some sad way he still cared for her. But he didn't. After forty minutes he finally stood up and walked away in disgust and pain.
***
Mandy sighed as she walked out of the dressing room in the slutty clothes. God she hated this. Admittidly, it was better than giving strange men blow jobs, but just barely. At least she'd get to talk to James tonight, maybe he could help her find a way out. Or maybe, if God smiled, she'd go home with him. Ha. He hated her now, it was amazing he'd agreed to speak with her.
She was just straddling one of the 'regulars' when he walked in. She watched his eyes drift around, obviously hoping she was a waitress or just a drunk. Then his gaze landed on her and his face fell. She saw his heart break, saw her hands crushing his spirit for the millionth time in four years. Dammit, she knew she should have told him.
Over the next half hour, she thought about signalling to him somehow, but worried someone would catch it. So she just kept going, waiting for her shift to end. Ten minutes before she was getting off, he got up and walked away. As she watched his back turn to her, she bit her lip and kept on rubbing against the fifty year old man.
***
James pulled up at the apartment complex, asking himself why he was doing this when he was so angry. Sure, he wanted to see the girls and Seth. But he could wait until morning. Did he want to 'save' her? No, she deserved what she'd gotten, she was the one who left. He wanted to yell at her, ask her why she thought this life was better then the one he had given her. Why the 'affection' of perverts was preferrable to his love.
He walked up the stairs, running into her landlord on the way. The old woman sighed,
"She's not back yet."
"Oh. Do you know-"
As he spoke, James heard the sharp clicking of high heels. He turned and saw Mandy trudging up the stairs, holding a black leather coat around her body. He pressed himself against the wall, staying in the shadows to watch.
She met her landlady's eyes and smiled softly. She reached into her purse and handed the woman a few bills.
"Next month too" she muttered. The woman nodded and walked away. Then Mandy took out a key and walked into the apartment. James cautiously made his way to the doorway, stunned when she didn't lock the door. He stood there, watching her drop her coat and purse, then turn into the other room. He walked in after her, standing at the end of the hall to watch.
She stood over the bed where Christina and Jamie slept, brushing her fingers over the faces of her daughters. He thought she might be crying, but he couldn't tell.
Then she moved onto Seth's crib. James felt his heartstrings tug as his son started crying, wanting nothing more then to stand behind Mandy to help get him back to sleep. But he just watched as she picked him, murmuring softly.
"Shhh...it's okay sweetheart, Mommy's here...." when he kept crying and refused to eat, Mandy walked over to the other side of the room, keeping her back to the door. She seemed to be looking for something, then picked up a photograph. She shifted Seth so she was holding him in the crook of her left arm. She handed him the picture, kissing his hair.
"Who's that? Hmm?" she whispered. Seth made a little cooing noise and she laughed, tears sliding down her face,
"That's right, it's Daddy...." the tears came in rivers now, but she kept on smiling and laughing. Seth laughed too, and James felt the urge to hold both of them, take them away from this life he'd chased them into. Instead, he turned away and walked out.