Sep. 23rd, 2010

axeslade: (Default)
Made an appointment for tomorrow (8:15--almost 3 hours before I'd have to be on campus normally, urrrgh) for depression screening.

Nervous, but too sick to really feel it. However, catching up with another friend and doing the 'yeah, well, I would be doing this but I can't get up the energy, etc' and him going 'yeeeah, that sounds like depression all right' is making me feel...well, hopeful that this apathy is something I can do something about.

ETA: Not sure what it says that, while listening to I Am The Doctor, I'm trying to tell myself 'WTF do I have to be depressed about? I didn't have to kill my entire race to try and save the universe from the Daleks. Hell, even Eleven manages to be pretty cheery, and look and what he went through as Ten and in the finale of this season!'

...dudes, I don't even.
axeslade: (queen of wands future will eat me)
Watching Stephen Fry's The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive...I don't completely recognise myself in these people, but I see bits and that's...kind of hard.

But at the same time, I think it'll make it easier in some ways to talk about my various episodes (this is not to say I think for sure that I'm bipolar--although according to Dr. Google it and ADHD are often related or mistaken for each other). Just watching this and listening to various peoples' episodes I am reminded of some of mine. 'Oh, yeah, I had a moment like that. Yeah, I had a few months where I did this', etc. (Example: I definitely had a major depressive episode during my senior year...but, at the same time, writing a 400+ page novel in 60 days while also doing a show sounds a bit manic and that happened at the same time. Oh, and I remember having serious suicidal thoughts during that time, and had a bit of a snap two days after the show ended. Urrrf).

...tomorrow is going to be a really interesting day.

ETA: Oh, hey, girl whose depression kills her ability to write and how she's not herself when it's gone etc. Um. Goddamn.
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