Aug. 10th, 2010

axeslade: (Default)
Things that suck right now:
-The fact that, with whatever the hell my hormones are doing, I'm already PMSing. This means body!hate like woah, and a million other things.
-Various things on teh interwebz causing me to hate my body more than PMS and the bits already do. Yeah, thanks for that. I need help being depressed.
-Waking up at 7 am. WTF?

Things that don't:
-This song. Belle, you're my fucking hero. When she's blathering to the baker about the book? I do that stuff. It's no wonder it's the Disney movie I watched most as a wee thing. Beauty and the Beast watching tonight, maybe
-Planning to go down to the library in a bit, which goes along with the song.
axeslade: (Default)
So. Continuing on with my body issues today.

I've been thinking--a big part of my issues with my body shape isn't society (though that plays a part, of course) or peers (hell, Girl likes this body).

What it is really is this: I learned a lot of my gender presentation from David Bowie and Rocky Horror.






...yeah, those bodies aren't mine. Nor should they be. I recognise on a logical level, that unless I take T and grow almost a foot, those bodies will not be mine. But on a purely emotional level...I learned both feminity and masculinity from men like this. RHPS and Bowie's music were some of the few things that helped me survive middle school because they made me feel less alone. In a sense, these men are who I want to be (um, without the killing and removing of brains and cocaine use). So when the hormones start flooding, I find myself holding up their image next to my own and just pouting a bit.

Sigh. Yeah, cry moar emo-boi.
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