So, because of various fucked upness, I'll probably be an undergrad until 2014. *sob* Partly my fault, partly the school's, partly us being poor. SO. A plan to keep me from completely losing my fucking mind (school and personal related).
-I trudge through school.
-I start looking into volunteer stuff. MUST e-mail that lady from the women's shelter to look into things, at least get my background check done. (times I am glad for my very unique initials, which make it unlikely that someone else with my name who is a bad person will come up).
-At the end of this year/beginning of next, I start serious work on my Peace Corps app, so if I'm accepted I can go right after graduation (since they could help wipe out some or all of my debt).
-While I'm doing this: spend an hour a day working on my French (this starts after school does, as I do much better with these things if I have a structured routine).
-Do everything I can NOT to fall into another depressive spell. Mother is already talking about getting one of those lights that helps people with seasonal depression, as she and I have both noticed my large downswings tend to happen in the fall/winter (despite those being my favourite seasons--yeah, I know, it's related to sunlight etc). Can't hurt, might help.
-Start writing again. I keep falling out of it because of the depressive spells. See, I'm out of it right now. But...well, I don't have real great upswings. I just have 'things don't suck, but they will'. It's really hard, and it makes it really difficult for me to be creative. In the downswings, I sometimes have mad bursts. Generally, though, I just sit there like a lump. Then whe I'm out of it more or less, I'm so drained from being in it that I don't feel like writing and I tell myself that I've been out of it too long to be good anymore, etc. I HAZ VICIOUS CYCLES.
-Look for a full-time job (possibly do medical transcription school if I can swing it).
Now, one thing I do have to say. I whine a lot. I get sad and anxious and angry a lot.
That doesn't mean I'm not happy a lot. Despite the fact I don't have 'upswings', I do manage to enjoy myself. I am, generally, at peace. But...well, the best way to say it is to quote my third (or second, since the first is a two-parter) favourite ep of this season of Who.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
(sidenote: like everyone who has been there, or at least *seen* there, I must give kudos to Curtis for nailing it on the head and not being patronizing or saccharine about it)
I have a pile of bad things that I can't toss away right now (NE, gender stuff, school), things which are always in my periphery. But I have a very shiny pile of good things (Girl, my friends, Girl again....) that, while maybe not big or shiny enough to keep me from seeing the bad pile, are definitely always in my line of sight.
That is all.